I have spoken of my shallow brother before on O.com. He comes off as being a sensitive guy, but he judges women almost exclusively on looks.
He's a single parent and you'd think he'd also consider whether they'd make good moms, but no. It only matters how attractive they are. All his women are very good looking, but if one has a flaw he says, "she doesn't meet my standards for attractiveness". That means he'll have sex with her, but he won't get serious.
He just broke up with the last woman (after almost a year of dating) because he decided he didn't like "the set of her jaw" and he felt her dark hair provided too stark a contrast to her fair skin. He almost reconsidered because she has a perfect body which she maintains without exercise, but he finally decided that he needs a complete package, both face and body.
I understand that my brother may have subconsious motivations for breaking up with this woman, but after countless hours on the phone (since he insists on calling me about it), I haven't been able to figure out what those are.
I don't entirely blame him because our parents were and still are (in their 70s) extremely focussed on appearance. As a child, I wasn't even allowed to have fat friends, and the housekeeper used to have to yell at my dad for saying he was ashamed of how I looked. For my friends here who think I'm too insecure about looks, now you know what I come from, so you can see that I have an excuse.
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So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. - Green Day
When I was in in my 20's I dumped a Versace model because I didn't like the way she walked, and she was to loud during sex.. lol She had those long model legs and when she wasn't working she had a goofy gait when she walked.
I use to also break up with people because they liked me to much.
When I look back on that time in my life, it was my own lack of self-esteem and self worth that was the problem.
I don't know your brother, but it probably has more to do with a lack of self-esteem, than his being shallow. He may appear shallow, but deep down inside, where he'll never let you see, he probably fears being hurt. Many times a people that don't have self-esteem will dump there SOs because the idea that they themselves are loveable doesn't seem authentic. So they dump the person before they are dumped.
If you forgive him for his weaknesses and short comings and look for the root causes, your relationship with him may improve.
Ok, now I have to go and shower this good guy stuff off and turn back into my a-hole self.. lol
Entre, With the way science is today, I wouldn't be suprised that he would go and clone himself one. And I'm sure he has his faults, too. What makes him think he is so perfect. No one is. He should have counted his lucky stars and went with the relationship instead of being so obsessive. Just how shallow is he? I feel for you. You have your work cut out for you on this one. Is he trying to have his own perfect world? sheesh!!
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There are three kinds of people in this world.
Those that make things happen.
Those that watch things happen.
Those that wonder what happened.
Which one are you?
I've been looking for root causes since last November when my brother first began sharing this with me. The confusing thing is that he claims he's not afraid to be in a relationship, and he recently confirmed this by making a commitment to a woman other than the long-term gf. This new woman is a blond, which is what he's been hoping for. Maybe that's all he's been waiting for. A blond.
__________________
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. - Green Day
When I was in in my 20's I dumped a Versace model because I didn't like the way she walked, and she was to loud during sex.. lol She had those long model legs and when she wasn't working she had a goofy gait when she walked. I use to also break up with people because they liked me to much. When I look back on that time in my life, it was my own lack of self-esteem and self worth that was the problem. That sounds EXACTLY like my brother. I will keep this in mind while talking to him.
__________________
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. - Green Day
Entre, With the way science is today, I wouldn't be suprised that he would go and clone himself one. And I'm sure he has his faults, too. What makes him think he is so perfect. No one is. He should have counted his lucky stars and went with the relationship instead of being so obsessive. Just how shallow is he? I feel for you. You have your work cut out for you on this one. Is he trying to have his own perfect world? sheesh!! LOL. The funny thing is that my brother is really not particularly good-looking himself. I'm amazed that he can get some of the women he gets. I wouldn't even look twice at my brother, and I'm not saying that just because he's my brother.
-- Edited by entre new at 17:24, 2006-04-24
__________________
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. - Green Day
entre new...I agree with so many others...sounds like your brother is unhappy with himself...so he has to have someone to complete him...to make him appear perfect...
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"Fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out" Romans 12, verse 2
Entre New, that is just mean but funny that you wouldn't give your brother a second look. Sounds like he is the one that needs plastic surgery. Yeah, he could use it (like he says his ex-gf could). He's not ugly but my brother should in no way be having his pick of beautiful women. Maybe it's the three-figure income or the beautiful new house, or the corvette, but the ladies don't know about the high credit card debt and the humongous mortgage.
__________________
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. - Green Day
so he has to have someone to complete him...to make him appear perfect... That's a thought. Like he thinks a beautiful wife will make up for what he doesn't have. Maybe that's partly what everyone else has been trying to say but I've been overlooking it.
__________________
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. - Green Day
Im with Sb on this one. It sounds more of a self esteem problem then the commitment phobe. I would bet that as you also said, it comes down with the parents issues.
