I know that you are scared right now, just try to be calm, wait until you talk to the doctor before you jump to any conclusions. It may not be as bad as it seems. You will be in thoughts.

My prayers are with you Little Girl!!

You might want to get a second opinion when your doctor gets the results back. Just a thought.

Your BF appears to be worried about you also. Sometimes that is a reaction that happens--especially with men--when the one we love has serious problems. If he truly, deeply has you in his heart, he might do that.

Hugs for you!!

I'm sorry to hear about that, LG. As Peaches said, I know that you're scared but wait until you get the test results before you start making or canceling plans for your future. Even if you do have PID, that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be unable to conceive. As for your boyfriend, he knows that you're scared and he really probably doesn't know what to do. If you're in physical pain, he may be trying to be conscious of that. Or, it's very possible that you are magnifying his behavior and turning it into something it's not because of what you're feeling emotionally.

Regardless, the first thing you need to do is get your lab results, consult with your doctor and get a second opinion prior to starting any treatment if you are diagnosed with PID. Also learn as much as you can about it, do not rely only on what you read - ask as many questions of your doctor as possible. Don't be afraid to ask questions, even those to which you don't think you'll like the answer. The more you learn about it, the better off you will be in terms of handling what may come. I'll keep you in my thoughts, let us know how things progress.

Here's a link for you

-- Edited by Buttercup at 09:12, 2007-01-02

I meant a second opinion about any treatment that may be required.

Sorry to hear about your pain, L.G.

As far as how your BF is reacting...some men just react that way when they are scared. I had a miscarriage in February and my husband was boarderline jack ass instead of what I expcted him to be like. Everything worked out for the best.....my husband is a very sensitive mand and just acts that way when he is scared ....I actually needed him to be  strong for me since I was a bit of a mush-ball.

I know you hate doctors, but they are just doing what they have to do...PID is many times caused by STD's that have not been treated. Sometimes it is due to childbirth or a miscarriage.....tissue that has  been left behind. They are just trying to find the reason and figure out a way to treat your problem. I am sorry..I know how it feels to be tested and checked and told you have to wait for test results and that you may need further treatment involving surgery etc........

 

Do you have any female friends or family you can confide in? Guys just dont understand stuff like this.....I think its freaks them out a bit.   

 

Take care; you are in my prayers.  

Little Girl wrote:

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As far as my b/f is concerned, he and I have been getting into fights and things about this.  He says I can talk to him whenever and I've tried but all he gives me is "everything will be fine", "stop worrying", "you're over-reacting", and things like that.  If that's his idea of being strong for me then he's got another thing coming because it's just pissing me off and making me more upset because it makes me think that he has no feelings on this.  I don't know anymore.

---

I will agree with Bread, most guys do either do not understand or do not WANT to understand your situation. Most guys don't WANT to hear about female problems. I think it scares and intimidates them. Why? Your guess is as good as mine is. It might have to do with that "male ego" thing? Gals can talk about just about anything with each other  and they aren't "scared" by it. Guys very rarely even talk about relationships with thier SO's. Anything to do with thier "personal parts issues" is totally taboo.

It appears that your boyfriends' comments and reactions are typical "guy answers" to just about any situation regarding the female anatomy.  I can understand why it makes you angry, it would make me the same way if I were in the same situation.

If you want my two-cents worth, he doesn't have anything comforting to say because he, like most men, is at a loss for the right thing to say. He doesn't want to hurt you anymore than you are hurting already, but doesn't know how. Personally, I would have the same reaction when first confronted with the problem, but then I would be behind the woman 100%. I am not saying that your BF isn't supportive of you. Maybe he is just as scared for you as you are?

Little Girl wrote:

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I appreciate your "two-cents worth" woodbutcher.  The thing is that I understand him being just as scared as I am.  However, I've TOLD him exactly what I need.  I've told him I don't really need him to say ANYTHING....what I need and want from him is just for him to hold me and stroke my hair and allow me to either scream or cry or whatever it is that I feel I need to do when he's holding me...and he won't even give that to me.  I mean, before all this happened not a day went by that I wasn't hearing "I love you" 50 times or feeling his touch every hour.  Since the 31st I'm lucky if a day goes by when I hear "I love you" 10 times...or feel his touch every THREE hours.  I'm sorry, we've been together the last 6 months and that's a DRAMATIC change since this round of hardships started.  Hell, we haven't even really TALKED since this started...it's mainly been arguing/fighting/disagreements/etc of one kind or another.  How is that a "typical guy answer"?  I've been with guys before where they may not have wanted to hear these kinds of things, however, they didn't dramatically change like that...if anything they uped how much they said they loved me or how often they touched me because they understood how much I needed the physical contact.  He knows and he's DROPPED the amount.  Am I missing something here?!

I'm not trying to sound like I'm bitching or attacking you, woodbutcher.  By no means am I trying to do that.  I'm just frustrated because I don't understand how he can be doing this kind of thing and he's only having to go through things, basically, second-hand.  He's not the one in pain 24/7.  The only thing he might have to TRULY worry about is whether or not he can ever have kids with me (if this does turn out to be PID).  And if he wants to fix that then he can just say "good-bye Rose" and go find someone else and then he doesn't have to worry about that anymore.  Whereas, I, have to worry about that with anyone I would ever get with again.  See what I'm saying?  Anyway, I do appreciate what you're saying and I do understand it.  Thank you.

Rose

---

Rose, I am really sorry if I made you upset!! That was NOT my intent!!

I really don't think you are "missing anything". I  understand your relationship alot better now, and see exactly what your saying.  I would say that your BF just might be as scared as you are, but maybe doesn't know how to express it? Could there possibly be something buried in his past, maybe from childhood that caused him to retreat?  There could be a hundred reasons why he reacts this way, and no way to pinpoint any one.

My prayers are with you Rose!!

Ok, moving from the health issue to the boyfriend issue because that seems to be most important to you.....a couple of things are kind of jumping out at me. In no particular order, first, you've been with him for only 6 months? That's not a very long time, IMO. Is it possible to really know someone and be able to anticipate all of their needs in a potential health crisis - or any type of personal crisis, really - after being together for only 6 months?

Second, you're comparing his behavior to that of men you've been with in the past. That's not fair. Did you experience any kind of crisis situation similar to this health issue with your past relationships where you required support from your SO? Everyone deals with things differently, and you cannot measure the depth of someone's feelings by the amount of times they say "I love you." Maybe he isn't offering the kind of support that you think he should but perhaps he's offering what he can and what he feels is enough. Your definition of support and his are obviously very different. You cannot expect people to follow your predetermined script or rules in terms of their behavior and how you think they should respond to you. As for the lack of touching, could it be that he knows you're in pain and is afraid of hurting you further? You say you don't know much about his past, maybe he did go through something like this in a past relationship and, just like you are comparing him to your past experiences, he's thinking that what worked for XXX will work with you.

To paraphrase you, you say you don't understand how he can react this way when he's only going through things second-hand because he's not in pain 24/7 and he doesn't have the same worries that you do....re-read that. Yes, he is going through it second hand so how can you expect him to know exactly what you're feeling? Are you telling him what you need or are you expecting him to read your mind based on your behavior?

You're already thinking about the fact that he might leave if it's determined that you cannot conceive. Don't base your definition of self or value as a woman on your fertility. Frankly, if he truly loves you as more than just a host for a uterus then the fact that you cannot have children (which you still don't even know is the case at this point) is not going to drive him away. If it does, then he wasn't worth having anyway and you'd be well rid of him.

Concentrate on your health right now because the bottom line is that the only person you can depend on 100% is yourself.

-- Edited by Buttercup at 10:01, 2007-01-04

Buttercup wrote:

---

I'm sorry to hear about that, LG. As Peaches said, I know that you're scared but wait until you get the test results before you start making or canceling plans for your future. Even if you do have PID, that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be unable to conceive. As for your boyfriend, he knows that you're scared and he really probably doesn't know what to do. If you're in physical pain, he may be trying to be conscious of that. Or, it's very possible that you are magnifying his behavior and turning it into something it's not because of what you're feeling emotionally.

Regardless, the first thing you need to do is get your lab results, consult with your doctor and get a second opinion prior to starting any treatment if you are diagnosed with PID. Also learn as much as you can about it, do not rely only on what you read - ask as many questions of your doctor as possible. Don't be afraid to ask questions, even those to which you don't think you'll like the answer. The more you learn about it, the better off you will be in terms of handling what may come. I'll keep you in my thoughts, let us know how things progress.

Here's a link for you

-- Edited by Buttercup at 09:12, 2007-01-02

---

Hi LG,k

First ... let me say you are in my prayers ... and I am soo sorry to read about this happening to you ...

Second ... I agree with butter ... learn as much about what PID is and ask as many questions as you can possible think of ... even ones that sound stupid ... search out the different treatments and medical help there is ... but do not rule out anything until you are for sure ...

Third ... even though you have told your B/F exactly what you want/need .... it may be Male Ego ... or whatever ... but do not expect him to be able to give you exactly what you ask for ... Men just do not do sympathy well ... it is against their nature ... and even more when you ask for something like this specifically they tend to withdrawal even more so when and with someone that they care about deeply ... I can't recall how many times that I watched my Father (now passed away) fuss and argue at/with my Mom when she sick and then when she wasn't around cry like a baby and say he didn't know how to handle it and it just made him mad that he couldn't  do anything to help her himself .... and then ask me to go comfort her and let her know he really does care ....  In your case ... it is my understanding that there is no-one in my position that can do that for him for you ...

Give him a chance and just believe and trust in what God has planned for You ... even though we do not understand it ... He doesn't give us anything we cannot handle ... even though it may be hard to go through ... he is always with us ...

Focus on you ... your attitude and your health ... and learn all that is learn-able to help pass the "Shitty" waiting game ...

Again ... You are in my prayers !!!... God's Will ... Will be done ... Trust in him ... Take it to the Lord in prayer ...

 

 

Buttercup wrote:

---

With all due respect IO, I just don't think that's true of every man. Every man is different in terms of their response to a woman's needs during a bad time, and I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with depth or lack of feeling. While it's true that there are some men who are just clueless about how to deal with certain things, there are others who have a heightened sense of awareness and who just know the right thing to do at the right time, even if it's just bringing an unexpected smile, a hug, or words of comfort. They just know.

---

You are right BC ... Every man is different ... and some men just know the right thing to say ... but it sounds to me that LittleGirl's guy is not one of those guys ... he may be one of the Clueless ones ...

All I was trying to point out is some people get angry when a loved one is hurting and do not know how to help ... and the anger comes out instead of the sympathy ... using my experience of when my Dad did it to my mother when she had the brain tumor removed ...

Maybe I should have said "Some Men" ... I apologize ...

again LG ... you and your B/F and the whole situation are in my prayers ... God Bless

 

I, for one, did not begin to entertain the idea that she was referring to you. 

I don't get what he's thinking either... When she emailed me and told me what was going on with her I gave her supporting comments like the crew here. (I want to thank everyone that has given their support) When she told me about His reaction I was flabbergasted. She's special to me...

Cernunnos, since we've met (again) you have been there for me always.  You've helped me to keep the faith open and you have helped me when I've needed it that most.  You are NOT one of the guys that doesn't know how to share caring and things to a woman who needs it.  If anything you've ALWAYS shown me the things I've needed to see and the caring and support that I should have been getting from other people (i.e. my S/O...whoever that might have been).

Everyone, thank you for your support and for keeping me in your prayers.  I really and truly do appreciate it.  You'll never know how much it's meant to me to have the support from all of you.  Thank you, really and truly, from the bottom of my heart.  Thank  you.

Now, to my s/o.  I don't know if he's the confused type that doesn't know how to express himself properly or the kind that is just an idiot and pulls away.  Personally, after everything I've gone through since Thanksgiving I'm going to lean towards the second kind till he proves otherwise.  I'm trying to have hope about us, however, it's really hard right now when I've got Cernunnos telling me all the things he would have done differently or giving me the kind of support and love and understanding that I feel I should be getting from my s/o and a tense silence from my s/o when I should be getting the things from him that Cernunnos is giving me.  I don't know.  It's just strange and hard.  I mean, I can't even talk to my s/o about things because he gets pissy and things about it.  I've been alone my whole life till Cernunnos came into the picture and he's been giving me love, support, and understanding since the day we've met.  No questions, no strings, nothing.  Just doing it because he truly cares.  (Thank you for that, Cernunnos...I really do appreciate it.)  I don't know, I hope this makes sense to you guys...and I hope I don't sound like I'm whining....I just hate feeling alone, vulnerable, scared, and like there's no one that can help me...............ESPECIALLY when I live with someone that I love and care about and don't feel they are returning it when I need it the most.

Well, anyway, I'm going to go for now.  Thank you again everyone!  I really and truly do appreciate it.  From the heart of my bottom.  lol

Rose

L.G. I am overjoyed that it isn't PID!! That must take a real load off your mind!!