6 years ago on February 5th 2000 my life was shattered.... I got a call the my bestfriend Jamie was dead.. He was only 18 .. I remember being there and being told that he was dead I didn't believe it .. they kept saying he was gone i could hear someone screaming only to realize it was me.. He was my best friend we were a love that could never be.. He was my comfort.. Jamie was murdered why I don't understand how could someone take the very breath in my life away? He was a good kid was in a band he was in college with his Mom.. He didn't deserve to die in the way he did.. Someone who knew him killed him they had to his death is unsolved.... Jamie had heart problems ... someone had to know he was at a party that night I didn't go because I was sick... the next thing I know I get a call and my boy is gone .... He died of a drug overdose... he had a bruised mark on his back where the needle went in the doctor told the police someone used such force and punched it in his back with heroine ... They first tried to say maybe Jamie did it but they cleared that up there was no way he could put the needle in that spot in his back with that much force.. Someone who knew he had a heart problem had to have done it... No one saw a thing it was night and the party was outside... our friends Matt and Alex were with him they thought he was just really drunk they took him to his parents and sat him in the chair then they went to bed.. Matt woke up in the morning and went to go see how he was and Jamie was dead .. They say that time will heal a broken heart it doesn't the wounds are still fresh.. the day after the party Jamie was suppose to come over and hold me watch movies with me to make me feel better... I couldn't bring myself to go to his funeral I couldn't admit he was gone .. Its hard someday to even deal with it.. If I feel sad or angry he was the first person I think to call is Jamie then it just saddens me... I haven't spoken to his parents since I fell that I should have but I couldn't I still cant.. I just cant the wound is still deep ... I cant mourn for him because I want him back I need him ...As the day grows closer to the anniversary of his death I grow more and more upset. I love you Jamie Mc Connel I wish you were here you are forever in my heart .... We will always have Penn Yan nights..
I'm sorry that you lost your best friend, PCW. The pain will end or greatly lessen, but you're going to have to allow yourself to grieve for him in order for that to happen. He was your best friend, he wouldn't want you to be in pain like this.....would you want him to suffer if the situation were reversed? It may sound harsh, but he isn't coming back, and rather than remembering the circumstances of his death you should try to remember his life and the way that it enhanced yours.
Believe me, I know it's difficult. Last Friday and Saturday marked the 4th anniversary of the deaths of two of my friends, completely unrelated to one another. It was like a one-two punch. So I've been there - I grieved, and now, around not only the anniversay, but throughout the year when I think of them (although they didn't know each other) my thoughts are how they were so much fun, how they touched my life and how lucky I was to know them. You'll never stop missing him, but over time you can lose the pain. It will not be an easy road, but you can do it.
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oh yes, you must always satisfy the monkey. Strong and Beautiful smells like a monkey
((((hugs))))) I am so sorry for your loss. No one can say "I know how you feel" because they only know how they would feel in that situation. But I can say I'm sorry
As for the time heals all.....just remember that "time" doesn't always mean "earthly" time. Everyone is different when it comes to emotions and life altering trama and you are dealing with it in your own way, in your own time. You may never lose the anger of your loss, but you do have your memories. Hold on to those, try to let the good memories replace the bad. Half of the battle for you will be letting go of the image of his death, which under the circumstances I am sure haunts you. Try to hold on to the image of his life instead. It may make that "day" just a bit easier to pass. I'm not trying to compare my own losses to yours in any measure, but when my brother's "day" approaches every year I try to picture the funniest moment we shared together instead of his death. It has helped me cope some what, I hope it can help you as well?
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And your point is???? Don't have one? Well then shut up and I'll give you one!
ty you both.. I know i shouldnt dwell on his death everytime i think about our good times i brake down and cry knowing he is gone.. I know i will see him on the other side things would just be easier if he were here... i feel like if i would have just sucked it up and went to the party with him that he would still be here today..... sometimes i hate having a heart .
There's nothing wrong with crying, tears can be healing. And if you'd gone to the party, that doesn't necessarily mean that things would have been different, try not to beat yourself up about that.
-- Edited by Buttercup at 11:34, 2006-01-31
-- Edited by Buttercup at 22:23, 2006-01-31
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oh yes, you must always satisfy the monkey. Strong and Beautiful smells like a monkey
Nothing I can say will make you feel any better.... I am sorry for your loss.
My very good friend Matt was killed in a motorcycle wreck... will be one year ago on Feb. 8. A cab driver made a left turn from the right lane and took him out. He was in intensive care, brain dead, for three day before they took him off life support. He was 26.
I normally handle death very well, but it took a long time to be able to think about him and not cry. I even tried to tell myself he just "went on vacation". For me it took letting out the intense anger I felt... he was always supposed to be there... and some dumbass took him away from me.
I still miss him, I still wish he was here to be part of everything. Part of what gets me through is knowing he is still around somewhere.... It might sound completely retarded, but I think of him as my guardian angel. He might not be here physically, but he is still in my heart.
I know all that is just rambling..... just know you're not alone. It's OK to cry and to miss him. I do agree with Kat.... thinking of the fuuny and good times does help tremedously.
No it doesnt sound retarded thank god i am not the only one who feels that way lol i was starting to wonder if i was crazy sometimes it feels like he is here with me... sorry for your loss you are forever in my heart..
I also lost two someones close to me. My baby (miscarried) and my bf. He was killed when his jet crashed. It still hurts to this day regardless it was in 1993 when he was killed. I try to think about the good times we had together.
Definately not alone and definately not retarded! I still morn my brother and it has been over 10 years. It still hurts like it was just yesterday. I just keep thinkin that he is looking down watching me, shakin his head at my dumb mistakes and savin my butt before I make really dumb mistakes. I talk to him all the time!
As long as he's in your heart he will never truly be gone! ((((hugs))))
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And your point is???? Don't have one? Well then shut up and I'll give you one!
Yes, no, and sort of, but I guess the straight answer is that "it" changes. Everyone feels and deals with pain differently. I lost my childhood sweet heart, and the first real love of my life at 17 to a fatal MVA.
I still remember what it was like to just sit there and watch her move. I remember her smile, the way she kissed me, but I can't remember her voice for some reason. I still pass by her house at least once a month and after almost 20yrs since she died and long after her family moved away, I still look at her door hoping to see her.
Does it still hurt? Not really, because about 10 years ago I made my peace with her loss. I found myself being over protective with the gals I dated, and being crazy about knowing where they were, etc. Not in a controlling way, but more in a "holy shit they're home yet.. oh shit something's happened" kinda way.
So, oneday after several failed relationships, (though at the time I didn't know that last girl dumped me to get back together with her girlfriend!!) I went and spoke with a counsellor. And the thing that helped me the most was writing a letter to Colleen as closure. I was told to write letter as if I was going to mail it too her, and to tell her how she had impacted my life. I was also too tell her in the letter about all the positive things that I've done and accomplished.
It was an amazing experience and a huge eye-opener as to see how I had changed and grown since and because of knowing her.
So, why not give that a try!! Write your friend a letter about your life. Write about his worth too you, how he affected your life, and what you've done since his passing. Don't rush it, take your time and write it over weeks or months. It will be hard and make sure you lots of tissues on hand.
For me, once I finished the letter I felt a huge weight leave my heart. Now, I can reflect back at that time and actually feel good it, and not overwhelmed with sadness.
I can't tell you that you're pain will go away, but it will change. And oneday if you work at it, you will be able to look back and smile instead of cry.
I could not deal with the death of my grandmother so instead I made her my guardian angel. I picked a song as a way of her saying hi to me and would you believe I hear that song EVERY time something good happens in my life!?!
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Free to be me.
I'll do anything sexual and I don't need a million dollars to do it. -The breakfast club
I have not read this thread until today.....I started, but just couldnt do it at the time.
I am sorry for your pain and while I never have lost a good friend to death, I can empathize because I have lost many loved ones.
I like the letter idea. I did something similar when my mother-in-law died. I was going through ny own healing process from the accident and it really did help to write down some feelings I had and memories we shared and let her know what was going on in my life. I still think of her and wonder how she would react to certain family situations. Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I get a little sad. She died before my husband and I married and I was so sad that she was not there because I remember how excited she was when we got engaged. I loved her so much. During our wedding ceremony, my husband and I lit a candle in her memory as my cousin sang Ave Maria in Latin. It was beautiful.
I think about the babies I have lost and that does make me cry...I look forward to the day I can hold them in my arms.
The pain is still fresh and you need time...take little steps. Do things you enjoyed doing together as friends and think about how much fun it was. It will be sad at first, but then something your friend did to make you laugh will make you laugh, too.
Good luck
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"The life given us by nature is short; but the memory of a well-spent life is eternal." -Cicero
Silly Blondes Brains are for Brunettes
oh yes, you must always satisfy the monkey. 
And your point is???? Don't have one? Well then shut up and I'll give you one!
