Scary that Iam even thinking of asking for advice from YOU people...BUt here it goes.
My aunt is on her deathbed. She has had brain cancer for about a year or so and last week she had another stroke, seizure and is now in a hospice. Which my mom says is the last place...
I just spoke with mom and she was ok at best but she said When it happens I DONT EXPECT you to come out for the funeral. I said tell me, I can make it. She said no dont worry your 400 miles away etc.
My dilema.....If mom calls and tells me aunt E passed but say the funeral is the next day, no way I can make it. If I get 2 days notice of the funeral I can fly out and rent a car blah blah...
Is it bad if I didnt show up on very short notice??? More bad if I have say 2 days notice of the funeral??? In the Jewish faith one must be buried ASAP, I think its the next day....Were not really religious but some things should be followed.....
What do I do?
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A monday morning lunatic disturbed from time to time...
Sounds to me like the best you can. If you can make it, make it, if not don't fret. It does not sound like they will hold it against you. Sorry about your aunt.
If, when she dies, burial takes place the next day you won't be able to make it all...and you probably won't get two days' notice.
Perosnally, I don't think it's bad if you can't make it because of hardship involved getting there. Sometimes it's nearly impossible to get to an out of town funeral, and I'm speaking from experience. The "compassion" or "bereavement" airfares are only 5%-10% less than the full, last minute price for most airlines and you have to have the name and address of the deceased, the doctor and/or hospital, and funeral home when you book the ticket.
I've felt badly but not guilty when I've not been able to attend an out of town funeral, but I know that the family realized that due to me living out of state, it was very difficult for me to get there.
-- Edited by Buttercup at 17:41, 2006-09-08
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oh yes, you must always satisfy the monkey. Strong and Beautiful smells like a monkey
Thanks guys. We for obvious reasons havent been too close since I moved to Pittsburgh but the grief is more for mom. They were alot alike. Iam not even that close to my parents as Iam the step-child of the family {figuratively not literally} I mean Iam the blue collar, motorcycle riding, used to smoke, got arrested blah blah blah long haired rocker. NOT that is even relavant but I figured if I was able to make it at any cost, it would kinda show me as the grown up kid. Kinda scary that Iam still the baby of my family at 37. I sure dont feel or act 37.
I DONT WANNA GROW UP.....
Too late..
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A monday morning lunatic disturbed from time to time...
OK sorry to burden you all but I just got off the phone with mom...My aunt just died this morning... OK I have the decision to go out to Long Island tonight, tomorrow and go to the funeral monday morning. Then all the way back monday night as I only get 1 day off from work and I have to use an emergency Personal day for monday...I can drive the 7-8 hrs alone. Wife and kids obviously staying home.
DOnt know what to do. Mom said dont come out. I think it will be nice if I can but not all neices and nephews are comiong either...
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A monday morning lunatic disturbed from time to time...
I think you should try to go, E. I think YOU'LL feel badly if you don't. Even though your mom told you not to, and that it would be okay if you didn't, I think it comes thru in your posts that you feel you should. So you should. Hope this helps.
Hey E, I'm sorry about your aunt. Hopefully you are on your way there as I am typing this. Regardless of whether you are there for the funeral or not, your mom needs your support. She may say it's not necessary for you to come, but she will be extremely grateful to have you there, and it will mean a lot to her.
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"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"Liberty, love! These two I need. For my love I will sacrifice life, for liberty I will sacrifice my love." - Sándor Petőfi
My thoughts on this differ slightly. I am a funneral skipper. I go only to cop funnerals to support fellow cops. My family, on the other hand, I never attend (as of yet).
What are you motivations in going? To support your family members? Your mother? It sounds as if they have everything under control and it will happen fast. Your mother has told you to stay home because of the distance, so if you don't get your two days notice, stay home.
There is no point in rushing there over tired, etc and having an accident on the highway.
You can honor your aunt in a personal way at home on your own, or with your family.
When you get the time, go visit your mother and your aunt's resting place.
Whatever you choose it will be right for you and yours.
I think you should try to go, E. I think YOU'LL feel badly if you don't. Even though your mom told you not to, and that it would be okay if you didn't, I think it comes thru in your posts that you feel you should. So you should. Hope this helps.
Hello children. Iam typing this from my brothers house on Long Island. I decided to go and was able to get the 2 days off I needed. It was actually a nice relaxing drive, well until I hit New Freakin YORK. I hate traffic. well I also missed something else at about noon today that was supposed to meet me for COFFEE.....
Mom was very excited I made it, I told her last night I would come. She still said no but when I walked in the door to bro's house she was very glad. Thanks all for the wishes etc.. We are all taking it instride as sometimes its better to pass than to continue to suffer from cancer..
I guess she is in a peaceful place now and looking down on us, especially the kids who are jumping in teh pool and its actually chilly here. Oh to be young again...
Thanks again and Ill be back here probably Tuesday night...
E
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A monday morning lunatic disturbed from time to time...
Hello children. Iam typing this from my brothers house on Long Island. I decided to go and was able to get the 2 days off I needed. It was actually a nice relaxing drive, well until I hit New Freakin YORK. I hate traffic. well I also missed something else at about noon today that was supposed to meet me for COFFEE.....
Mom was very excited I made it, I told her last night I would come. She still said no but when I walked in the door to bro's house she was very glad. Thanks all for the wishes etc.. We are all taking it instride as sometimes its better to pass than to continue to suffer from cancer..
I guess she is in a peaceful place now and looking down on us, especially the kids who are jumping in teh pool and its actually chilly here. Oh to be young again...
Thanks again and Ill be back here probably Tuesday night...
E
I'm glad that you arrived safely even though you missed something else at about noon today.
As Bread Styx said, I'm sure that your mom was comforted by your presence and that it meant a lot to her that you made the effort to attend.
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oh yes, you must always satisfy the monkey. Strong and Beautiful smells like a monkey
FIrst off THANKS to all of you for the well wishes...
Second, MOM was really glad I showed up. It was real tough for a big toughie {HEHE} like me to see her nearly break down in teh synagogue. Tougher to see pops hold his head in his hand. Death is an unfortunate part of life, as Ive said before LIFE is a TERMINAL disease, no one survivves it. Hmmm I still have my humor. It was nice to see my cousins who I havent seen since many years, actually a few. One is a doctor in Dallas, one is a financial guy {aunts son} but even he had a near death plane ride a few weeks ago. He had an embolism nearly burst on the plane ride. The funeral was attended buy a LARGE amount of people. Supposedly where Aunt worked in NJ, they had 2 busloads of co-workers bussed in for the funeral. Woulda been another 2-3 bus loads of co-workers if it wasnt a weekend. WOW the people she affected, or is it EFFECTED.? Doesnt matter. she is resting peacefully...
Thanks again peeps, friends and even butternuts...
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A monday morning lunatic disturbed from time to time...
oh yes, you must always satisfy the monkey. 
My aunt just died this morning... OK I have the decision to go out to Long Island tonight, tomorrow and go to the funeral monday morning. Then all the way back monday night as I only get 1 day off from work and I have to use an emergency Personal day for monday...I can drive the 7-8 hrs alone. Wife and kids obviously staying home.
